Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

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Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  darkshines on Mon Jun 07, 2010 1:16 am

For the full story- see my post in the introductions section.
This morning, as yesterday morning, i was 129.6. I need to be 120.

I'm giving myself small goals. The first is 125 by Friday.

So, tomorrow is Monday. I will weigh and record in a post tomorrow morning, (even though after my awful day today of munching away, I really don't want to- but maybe it will motivate me... )then I will follow the 5bd religiously.

I will be on the road Monday night through Tuesday, but it shouldn't be too difficult to follow since I will be out of the house (being at home is what kills me. especially at night!) I will continue to follow the diet Tuesday and will weigh again Wednesday morning, and record that weight here, and continue from there.

Five pounds in five days seems like a lot- but from what I've been reading and hearing, with this diet, it is not unreasonable. Please help me out though! I need support. I gotta do this!
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Monday Morning

Post  darkshines on Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:10 pm

ack this is aggravating. I woke up, weighed myself, 130.6. I went back to bed for a few minutes, got up again, and now the scale reads 132.0! -_-

un-freaking-happy.

to top this off, my boyfriend in iraq got my package this morning, i sent him some shampoo and a shirt i sleep in so it smells like me, and some cookies and photos. he got on webcam and showed me how he can fit into my shirt.
it was VERYYYY tight lol and he had to have help getting it on, but if he held the bottom down it looked almost legit.

i feel like a fatass. my boyfriend can wear my clothes. must fix this. starting today. im trying to use that as motivation instead of getting depressed...
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Tuesday Night

Post  darkshines on Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:36 am

Just got back-
Monday went well. Had five bites of a quarter pounder with cheese, my calcium chews, and a lot of water.

Today was relatively good too. Single chicken strip with honey mustard sauce from KFC, calcium, an a 90 cal special K bar. I also had a cashew and a spoonful of apple sauce. (I figured that would be alright since I only had five bites yesterday instead of 10 total)

So I guess the ultimate test will be when i step on the scale tomorrow morning.
Just for the record, I was so hungry today. Everything started hurting. I was utterly miserable, fantasizing about eating this or that and then mentally slapping myself and reminding myself that I had a better goal than a slice of pizza or a chocolate cake.

I honestly doubt I'll be able to keep this up. Going to bed before i give in...
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  teaismyhappyplace on Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:45 pm

yeah... the first couple days SUCK. but then once the weight starts coming off, and uve been doing it for a few days it will become habit. you just have to make it thru! that's kinda why i always tell the beginners to set a short goal. Know that ure going to commit to this diet for a while, but say to urself- tough this thru for 4 days, just make it to day 4 and this will be better. 99% of the people on this forum alone have headaches, pains, tiredness, fantasies about food, social pressures to eat badly, tensions to deal with, and tummy grumbles! but after 4 days ur body gets the hint that ur not giving in and it should shut up, and it does. After that you can move on and the rest is a mind game.

Personally, it took me about 3 days for the headaches and grumbles to go away, and about a week for me to not want to eat large meals as frequently. After that even when i had a bad day, it was most always followed by guilt and a VERY GOOD day to follow that hopefully undid most of the damage done the previous day, so the weight loss had a delay but not a stop, and my body was not able to go back to its own cycle.
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Wednesday- Success!

Post  darkshines on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:27 pm

I stepped on the scale just now.... drumroll please... 126.8!
WOO HOO!
tea, thank you SOOO much for the positive pep talk. its very true, the first few days suck, but they are worth it. i stayed full a very long time last night after i posted and now im not all that hungry. its only 10am, but im not as ravenous as i was yesterday. plus, this is more than i expected to lose and very close to my first goal. I was worried i had set myself up for disappointment, setting too large a goal too soon.

I do need more positive reminders though, especially around 8-9 pm. I get into my "must eat!" mindset, and my resolve i know has softened. I will revisit the "things to do besides eat" chain and try and make arrangements to be out of the house with friends doing something else, because I know when I am around people, I don't like to eat. Wish me luck!
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  teaismyhappyplace on Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:37 pm

horrayyY!!!! great progressss!!!!
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Thursday Morning

Post  darkshines on Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:28 pm

Exactly one week from my birthday today, and 14 days till I see my boyfriend.

The scale reads 125.6 this morning! which i am very very happy about because it was sort of an indulgent day for me.

For lunch I used a mini (80 cal) high fiber low carb whole wheat tortilla and a "stringed" hehe half piece of mozzarella string cheese to make a quesadilla. while that was on the pan cooking i whipped up some guacamole and enjoyed the whole tiny thing for lunch. I think I do better when i pre-portion my food so its about the size of the snickers bar, and then take lots of teeny bites of it, savoring it and making my meal last longer. It makes me feel much more satisfied.

Anyway, for dinner I used about a fourth of a hamburger bun to make some cinnamon french toast bites (a la hungry girl) with some syrup and powdered sugar and real sugar and cinnamon in the real egg i used to cook them. I felt a bit bad about being so indulgent (hello sugarly carbs!) so i only made four bite-sized pieces. I ended up cooking the "nuggets" and piling them into my favorite tea cup before drizzling the syrup and sugar on top. SO adorable, and SO delicious.

After that i went fishing, and was beating myself up the whole time, thinking there was no possible way I could expect to lose anything overnight and would have to be really strict on myself today if i plan to reach my 125 goal by friday, and should have spent another 30 minutes at the gym to make up for it. Fortunately, I still lost, 9/10ths of a pound! =)

Salsa dancing tonight! =) I'm pretty excited.
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ps-

Post  darkshines on Thu Jun 10, 2010 6:30 pm

i have been feeling great actually. no hunger anymore, no desire to binge- even my normal "omg eat anything you possibly can!" at 8pm phase seems to have gone. I don't crave things. this is fantastic! i can't believe this is only day 4, and i am so close to my first goal weight!

which, by the way.... 125 pounds for me is a BMI of 18.5. Then again, even though I am 5'9, I have a small frame.

I would really love to be 120 like i used to be, so i may push into next week with this. I definitely plan to continue through to Monday, just because I feel like this is totally sustainable and I don't want to get off the cycle too early and relapse into old habits. Do any of you reading this have any advice?

I know I will eat a lot on my birthday, a week from today, and im not quite sure how to maneuver around that... but the most important part right now is my body is LOOKING better. Which was the point all along. I realize I am and always have been over critical and perfectionistic when it comes to my self- image, and any changes in the last four days have only been noticable by me, but I couldn't be more pleased. My jeans are fitting better. Still not quite as loose as I would like them, but for four days of this, its gotten much better. At least I'm not hopping around trying to pull them up.

Just had five bites of a tuna salad sandwich (lots of pickle bits of course!) and plan on cooking some egg foo young for my family tonight. However, I feel so stuffed right now I'm not sure ill be hungry when dinner rolls around. Maybe i'll eat after I'm back from salsa class. When I do eat though, I'm probably going to cook myself a small egg patty and put it in my favorite teacup again and sauce it there. Yay for cute five bite portions in mugs!
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Wups....

Post  darkshines on Thu Jun 10, 2010 11:51 pm

So after i posted, i had to go to the grocery store, where i saw a free chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting on it... and i couldnt say no.

Then i had to cook the salad, and the mozarella sticks, and the egg foo young... and i couldnt resist that either...

then i had a couple of graham crackers and a packet of jelly beans.

SO full and SO unhappy with myself.

not weighing tomorrow morning.

Special K bar for lunch.
Skipping Dinner.

fml.
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I'll take it!

Post  darkshines on Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:31 pm

So yesterday I ended up fasting, with the exception of a cashew and my calcium chews and a few small crumbs from the cookies i whipped up for a friend of mine. At night I had a cup of beef bouillon with some Mrs Dash. I think I ended up getting 8 cups of liquid, but I can't really remember. My day was pretty much spent cooking cleaning, visiting with relatives i dont really like, and getting rained on.

However, I'm proud of my unplanned fast, and when I stepped on the scale this morning it read exactly 125.6! So I undid the damage done by Thursday's cupcake... and extra meals lol.

I'm not sure what the weekend holds, but I will try my best to stick to my five bites, and work out again for gosh sakes. I've been such a slacker with that lately. Hopefully by Monday the scale will be 125 even. Thats my new goal. But i will report/weigh today and tomorrow.

My summer school starts Monday, and I am looking forward to both having structure to my day, work to do, and the class itself.
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  darkshines on Sun Jun 13, 2010 3:43 am

so today did not go so well.

it acctually wasnt so bad. considering i DID go to the gym. and up intil about 8 o clock i had had about 20ish bites of food. then.... then i saw the graham crackers and german chocolate frosting my gramma had made.

*sigh* i had no backbone this time of night.

anyway, i know i will see the damage on the scale tomorrow morning. ill go to the gym in the morning and hopefully stay out of the house most of the day if i can manage. Im not going to tell myself to fast, because i know i will jinx myself...

if i can just maintain 125.6 till monday morning, since i have classes starting i know i will be able to get down to say, 123 thursday morning. (hopefully)
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  3jaysmom on Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:00 am

RELAX!!!!! This is about learning portion controll. It dosen't sound like you're going completely off the deep end and drinking margaritas and eating guacamole with chips and fish tacos (like, ahem, me) One thing I have noticed if we have "a few extra meals" is as long as you don't eat alot at once, you will keep your stomach small. Just keep doing what you're doing, you're doing great! Don't worry about "10 pounds in a week" or whatever. Your man will not notice a few extra measly pounds! He just wants to see you. Men in the military understand about weight controll, as they have to keep their weight and fitness levels maintained at a high standard and have it checked periodically. I was in the army before I had kids, and I loved hearing the guys share "diet tips" (wich for them usually means to switch to light beer for two weeks untill weigh in, lol) My sister's husband is in, too, and has been understanding of her gain. His weight fluctuates by 30 pounds for every tour he does. Loses it when in Iraq, gains it back when on base, loses it on next tour....on and on. So, sorry I'm babbling, but I guess my point is, I'm sure you look great, and he will go crazy seeing you no matter if you reach goal or not. Very Happy

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starting classes today!

Post  darkshines on Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:14 pm

This Morning: 126.2 =)

Yesterday wasnt a complete fast, I did stick to mostly water and broth (which, by the way, is excellent with cajun seasoning) but I had a mozarella stick around 6 o clock so I could take my MV and calcium without the bleeehhh feeling. I did some research about that too- its the B vitamins, NOT the iron, that make us nauseous. (good to know, eh?)

anyway, since mozarella is mostly protein cheese (and my mom has it around all the time cuz she tries to follow atkins) it got me thinking. what if someone did a five-bite version of atkins? like, if they limited their five bites to protein and fat-rich foods and limited their carb intake to under 25 grams or whatever induction is..?

i couldn't do it- i like my breads and tortillas and rice in my sushi rolls (which i plan on enjoying along with my dirt cake thursday morning) and i feel like carbs help fill me up, but i would be curious to see if anyone has tried this.

anyway, starting my summer school this afternoon! wish me luck!

3jaysmom- thank you so much for reminding me to chill out. i know a lot of the numbers portion is all in my head, and that he will just be excited to see me cuz im me, not cuz im skinny. i know he will be understanding of my weight too since hes gotten a bit pudgy because his diet in iraq has been mainly the peanut butter cookies i make and send him (more like peanut butter fudge with some oatmeal in it) and the local ice cream shop....

that made me think this is all a self- esteem issue. Ive always been "the skinny girl" its sort of part of my identity. when i was modeling, it was mandatory, and i never had a problem with it until my ex started controlling my life, starting with my cell phone, then my food, then everything else until it all morphed into violence. So this is partly about regaining my own control that had been taken from me, which with this "tool" as dr lewis says, is easy. regaining self-confidence and motivation long enough to succeed is the real issue. and feeling good about myself on a regular basis is even harder.

i guess what im trying to say though, is thanks for reminding me to open my eyes and see the wonderful boy thats coming home to me in 9 days.
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ugh

Post  darkshines on Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:00 pm

so yesterday was more of a 20 bite day. but, i also spent twice as much time at the gym as i normally do. i felt the buuuurn! probably because i havnt been pushing myself as hard through normal routines.
so all in all, i worked off just as much as i consumed (and its not like i pigged out in one sitting) i was just sort of nibbling throughout the day. i had sone tuna salad and a few slices of turkey breast and an egg, one pickle, and one tiny cake sample at the store. oh. and a scoop of frozen cool whip cuz i was in an icecream mood and out of arctic zero (that stuff... wow) all in all, coulda been better, but i applaud myself for not going overboard. and better yet- for working it off.

however, stepping on the scale this morning i get 127.4. which is vexing. but then again it is the first day of my period (sorry if thats TMI) so i bet (and hope) that that has something to do with it, and possibly a little muscle from my workout last night.


school went really well! im the youngest student there but the topic and readings so far really are interesting to me. theres one boy who wont shut up. like he has a permanent chip on his shoulder- EVERYONE is out to get him, and stumbles over his ego constantly. im plotting his demise as we speak. (just kidding)

anyway my boyfriend usually is able to write t me this time of morning, but as he hasnt, so im assuming they had another sandstorm. imunna hit the gym and go hard with the five bites today. oorah!
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  teaismyhappyplace on Tue Jun 15, 2010 4:40 pm

aww yeah periods pack on the water weight- im sure thats all it is. Additionally, when u go to the gym and stress out ur muscles- it also encourages ur muscle to take up water temporarily- helps to clear out metabolites (stuff that it produced to make u energy) that the muscle used during that time of stress. That's why sometimes u see a slight gain really quick when u've been so good on a diet and u went to sweat it off hoping for a drop. Dont stress over it!!
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fail.

Post  darkshines on Wed Jun 16, 2010 4:06 am

sooo today didnt go so well.
i was acctually doing great up until i got home around 7.
i was emotionally stressin and sorta gave in to the dreaded "must eat everything" urge.
i think i totaled about 1400, 1500 calories for the day. which is still under the 1700 threshold for like, normal consumption to maintain weight for someone my size. so im trying not to feel TOO guilty. but i cant keep just excusing myself! this is not acceptable! i did put in my normal time at the gym, but i didnt do the double thing like yesterday...
idk.

i feel super full. like... stuffed. if that helps? its probably a good sign. my stomach must have shrunk.

tomorrow im gunna get up early and do a full hour at the gym to just get it out of the way, and make sure i get in my 8 glasses of water before i even go to class in the afternoon. then i made plans with a friend right after class so i have no time to sit at home and eat and eat... which i know i would be doing if i was home tomorrow night, cuz my mom is making my dirt cake for my birthday thursday morning.


oh. and my birthday. goodness. so ill have so have SOME cake. but im gunna make sure i only have a few bites, and a small portion of sushi/sashimi for lunch. then i have the bonfire thing with my friends in the evening, and i know people are bringing marshmellows to roast, but im planning on just telling them i am feeling sick. that usually gets them off my back. if not, ill have one. a single marshmellow is about 25 calories. could be worse. but maybe if they see me eat one, they'll shut up. the question is- can i eat just one?

im debating whether or not i should weigh myself in the morning.
if i do, ill update back then.
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  teaismyhappyplace on Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:31 pm

happy birthday (almost)!! horrayyY!!!!
yeah something similar happened to me a few weeks back, w/bonfires and marshmallows.... they are only 25 calories each so even if u dont stick to just one, dont stress about it. That night drank MUCHO water beforehand, so by the time i got there i wasnt hungry and i roasted one and ate it slowly. Then played for a little while by the beach, and by the time i came back everyone was on their like 5-6th so i was just like "oh im good!"

enjoy!
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eh

Post  darkshines on Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:28 am

so this morning i was still 127.4. ive jsut been drinking water all day. then again its only 8:30 but.... i think im done as far as food consumption is concerned.

i cancelled the party tomorrow. too many people. i was getting anxiety. i hate hosting things and being all nice and stuff when really im just annoyed.

i havnt heard from my boyfriend in a few days. i hope he is okay. my life is infinitely more lonely when he can't text my phone from his computer.

kinda depressed. might go out and distract myself when my friend gets off work in a few hours. idk.
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birthday aftermath

Post  darkshines on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:28 pm

so yesterday morning i was still 127.4. then i did as jenny advised and gave myself a break for the day. i mean, it WAS my birthday.

i had an egg and a piece of raisin cinnamon toast for breakfast. a serving of dirtcake for lunch (i had to bring it to my dads office) and then lots of water during my class. after i came home we did the whole present thing- WOW i am very fortunate. my mother replaced the beautiful alexandrite ring she had given me on my 16th birthday (but that i had lost) with the same exact design. i had to take it in this morning to get it resized to a 5 (smirk- im proud of my skinny fingers!) but it is gorgeous and i can't wait to have it back so i can wear it.
my dad got me an iPad "to help with school" but honestly, its just really cool to help with anything. then we all went out to sushi and stuffed ourselves, and then to a movie. =) all in all, pretty awesome 19th birthday.

the bonfire is still happening- only tomorrow night. I'm not so concerned about my willpower though. I honestly felt a little sick eating so much yesterday. I froze the rest of the dirt cake (there was about half left) for my boyfriend when he comes back next thursday- he had to miss his birthday last month, being in iraq and all, so im not tempted to eat it. I promised him id save it for him! No excuses!

This morning i weighed in at 128.6. But, im not sick feeling, overly hungry, or bloated. i feel pretty confident actually that i can stay on track until next thursday. weekends are sometimes tricky because my dad likes to eat out a lot, but having the bonfire will get me away, and i have studying to do. gunna get on that right now!
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bad news, sort of...

Post  darkshines on Sat Jun 19, 2010 5:02 pm

well this morning i accidentally had some water before i weighed myself- still 128.6 by the way. =(

this morning im drinking a bit of apple cider vinegar in water with a touch of honey. its acctually very good- i have a thing for tangy flavors, and i read somewhere that its supposed to help out ur body so hey, why not give it a shot?

the bad news is that my boyfriend's leave got pushed back from the 24th to the 28th, so i probably wont see him till late june 30th or july first because of the epicly long plane ride is is from basrah.
it kinda sucks that its four more days, im really impatient, BUT- on the bright side, july 1st is my last day of summer school, so more time with him and less spent in school with him waiting on me. ANDDDD.... obviously I have more time to get back on track now with this diet.

It's a bit perplexing to have a relatively good day like yesterday and still not lose anything. I mean, it still wasnt 10 bites. more like 15-20. But they were healthy. I didn't stuff myself. There was no dirt cake involved. I drank water like a fish and pushed myself at the gym. Not even a 1/10th of a pound gone. argggghhh!

oh well. today i will press on. I think i will stop by whole foods and see if I can find any healthy snickers-sized bars that I could use. If not i'll do nutrigrains or something. I also discovered that the laughing cow light swiss cheese wedges are 35 calories a slice- and if you take a piece or two of shaved lean turkey breast (like from a deli package) and spread the cheese in the middle, wrapping the turkey around it- you have a relatively 3-4 bite sized, VERY low cal snack. and its rather tangy too. i suppose you could slip a pickle in there with the cheese.... Razz
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  Jenny P. on Sun Jun 20, 2010 4:46 am

Try to be patient and don't let yourself get discouraged Smile sometimes it takes more than a day to lose a lb. But you will get there. It would be physically impossible to not lose weight eating as little as you are. Way to go working out and picking healthy foods for your five bites, those are good habits to make. Those were good food ideas. I like doing turkey and cheese too. I also like the nature valley bars. They come with two bars in one package so one lasts all day and the both bars are only 150 cal. which is awesome for one day. They are super high in fiber and vitamins and I like the taste. Good Luck!
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good? bad? what the hell?

Post  darkshines on Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:04 pm

so. yesterday went well. I had an eggroll for lunch with my family, and five bites of crabmeat/bellpepper salad (my specialty hehe) and turkey and cheese. I also drank about 7 glasses of water. not bad.

then i got to the bonfire- which was rescheduled from my birthday...
everyone was pressuring me to eat. especially my two best girlfriends, and my highchool ex. anyway i ended up eating about 10 marshmellows probably, and 4 full graham crackers (in total) on the bright side, no one remembered to bring any chocolate.

BUT!

this morning i stepped on the scale and it was 126.6

besides being pleased, i am baffled.

I can't eat so well today- i have to take my dad out to mexican food right now since he has a plane to catch (on fathers day this stinks) but i plan to get back on the wagon on monday.
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Re: Daily Journal- Starting the Diet Tomorrow- Monday

Post  teaismyhappyplace on Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:29 pm

yeah its so weird when that happens- i think its cuz ur body gets tricked into using energy to digest the stuff u ate, so as long as its not a habit, and as long as its not really horrible- a few cheat days is actually helpful.
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CHALLENGE WEEK DAY 1

Post  darkshines on Mon Jun 21, 2010 5:35 pm

126.6

which im happy about since after yesterday i was expecting a gain.

worked out 30 min on the elliptical this morning. 250 cals.

not feeling hungry yet. May not eat before class.
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CHALLENGE WEEK DAY 2

Post  darkshines on Tue Jun 22, 2010 3:41 pm

125.6

woohoo!

yesterday i did eat before class. I had some turkey with cheese spread in the middle. yum.
i made it through class but by the evening- like, 5 o clock even, i was tirrreeed! dragging my feet, propping my eyelids open...

i drank about 8 glasses of water and one glass of boullion (i wanted soup for my tiredness)

i feel a bit hungry this morning, but I am trying to embrace it. Im gunna head to the gym straight off to review some studying things. I'll probably eat an egg or my usual turkey stuff before my class, just because today is a midterm- but five bites! and lots of water!

my mom was telling me that no matter how long she fasts or how much she restricts, or how long she follows ANY diet- she never loses any weight unless she gets the 8 glasses in.

so goals for today: 10 bites, getting an A, drinking 8 glasses.

for now: 30 minutes on the eliptical. =)
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