Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

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Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 2:05 am

Ok, its 4/25 and I totally BLEW it today w/ Sunday dinner (Southern families have Thanksgiving every week @ Sunday dinner!) haha, so that was no good and then I got down about it and had a cruddy day otherwise. So I'm going to sleep it off and jump right back on tomorrow! Let me say, Phil this was a GREAT Idea!! I am considering doing Nutrigrain bars for 1 week, partly as a challenge to my self-control... or lack there of. lol so I will post as I go!
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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  smog on Mon Apr 26, 2010 2:52 am

Hi Rach, I'm smog, I'm new here but i've done this diet before, it's bloody hard, but it works. The nutri-grain bars sound great. I reckon having a bar, any bar is good, coz once it's gone, it's gone. And you know that's all you're allowing yourself to eat. So hard on this diet when you're presented with a proper meal, to only eat 5 bites....

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 3:05 am

Hey Smog! Yeah it is sooo hard when its left "up 4 grabs" like that, so I think the nutri grainbars, or something that is controlled will be good! Smile Do good! and keep in touch as you go!
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Post  smog on Mon Apr 26, 2010 4:15 am

How long have you been on the diet rach? Has your weight steadily crept up like mine (due to successive failed attempts!)?

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 4:19 am

Yep! :/ isn't that ironic?? Gained weight by dieting... Ugh. But this 1 works if I could just stick with it!! Haha, I am pretty determined this time though... I thin it started about a year and a half ago. :/ booƓ
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Post  smog on Mon Apr 26, 2010 6:42 am

yeah, the ole yo-yo dieting merry go round... It's defo true what they say, that it leads to weight gain! I'm such a serial dieter, are you too?! I guess you could say I have an eating disorder of sorts... nothing too extreme though Cool Are in the UK? I'm in Oz

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Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 3:58 pm

I definitely am a serial dieter... I thought I may have an ED as well, and as I looked into it think I do have a mild one that could become more severe... so I am pretty determined to stick to this this time, and give it time to work... learn to forgive myself for that "little slip up" thats bound to happen and not SELF-SABOTAGE! lol I'm a champion self beater-upper... Mad But I am determined to break the habit once and for all! I'm glad u said that actually, I thought I was alone w/ that one... hmmm, I am in the USA. I live in FL. Smile usually bright and sunny but apparently our "sunshine state" is on strike because its been thundering and lightning since 2 AM. booo...

And oohhh the yo yo dieting, I have tried EVERYTHING and can always either talk myself out of it by saying "somethings gonna come up," "you can't follow this forever," the weight's gonna come back when you eat 'normal' again," etc. that I have fallen &/or jumped off about every wagon there is. Problem is I have never been that way and I was a size 1 all the way through my freshman year of college. Then I went through a bad break up, couldn't eat went down 2 SIZES in a week, (from a 1 to a 00), loved that but as soon as I could stand the sight of food again and started eating as before I was still depressed and began emotional eating. Rolling Eyes So now Idon't seem "big" to others, but I feel big to me. And for my build I am. So when Dr. L said 18.5 was good, I was SO EXCITED! That puts me back at my highschool weight and I knew it was ok to wanna be there again a Dr. could support it at all, and that is where I am happiest. This diet has been my best friend/worst enemy for about 5 months. When I follow it closely my mood, appearance, focus, energy all changes for the better within a matter of days, but then something comes up, I have 1 little slice of cake (literally a sliver, not even an inch wide) and that cues the feeding frenzy. lol So I am working on getting rid of that "all or nothing" persona and taking it one meal at a time. Smile

Sorry to write you a novel, but it is, afterall, my journal! ;D hahahaha
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Ok, this is a new entry for 4/26

Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 4:08 pm

Today's started off well, studying like a crazy lady for final exams and my 3rd language has kept me bust busy. Smile I didn't have breakfast, had a small cup of OJ at 11ish, walked for 30-something mins. so that was good. I'm feelin good... I keep telling myself that 10 lbs. and crappy will-power are the only thing between me and being able to happily persue my goals, w/o having this junk in the back of my mind soooo... they gotta go. both of them, and don't let they door hitcha' on the way out jerks... Laughing funny stuff, but oh so true... lunch time here I come!
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4/26 cont.

Post  rachee08 on Mon Apr 26, 2010 11:26 pm

Well today was a good day! Smile I'm oficially done eating today. haha, and I did well, we had homemade biscuits fresh outta the oven so i forfeited chicken and mashed potatoes for a biscuit and honey... hehe totally don't regret it. I did have 1 extra bite Rolling Eyes but overall, a good day! Bring it on, tomorrow!! pirat
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Post  smog on Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:58 am

Top effort girl! You're doing really well on this diet! I struggled through my first day yesterday, it was definitely unfun but I got there and I'm down just over a kilo today (2 and a half pounds I think?). It's prob all water weight since I spent half of yesterday and last night peeing, but I'll take what I can get! Today is bloody hard, I'm so freakin hungry!!! But as the doc says, hunger is good, it's your body burning calories, so just sit down, have a glass of water and wait for it to pass. Ugh. Rolling Eyes

I can totally relate to your accidental weight loss leading to overcompensating emotional eating = feeling like a fat ass compared to where you started! I was always a normal weight as a teenager, and never had a problem with my appearance, until I was put on a naturopathic diet (coz I was so often sick which docs couldn't explain) where I unintentionally lost about 25 pounds. Before I was put on the diet, I had no problem with my body or the way I looked, apparently I was attractive Surprised I had no idea I was losing so much weight on the diet, I was on holiday with my family over the summer, no mirrors, no scales. When we got home my first reaction when I saw myself in a full length mirror was total horror. I looked soooo skinny - I had that thing where my knees were the biggest part of my legs, my collarbones looked like they could cut glass, my boobs had disappeared and my face was hollow. But the longer I looked, the more I thought "hang on, my saddlebags are GONE! My stomach is not only flat it's concave and my bum isn't dragging down my legs somewhere!" Since then, it's been a constant battle to try and get back to that (or close to it). I didn't have to stay on the diet anymore, but my eating became erratic and disordered. I struggled to maintain the low weight, varying from restricting my food intake to stuffing my face for a month and ballooning!

So yeah, I guess I have an eating disorder, allegedly EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), which basically means that I don't meet the diagnostic criteria for either anorexia or bullimia (I don't purge or over-exercise, my weight is within a healthy range and I still get my period). I reckon you could be EDNOS too??

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Post  rachee08 on Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:08 am

Sounds like it! Wow... its like you crawled into my head and typed. lol different circumstances same ending result... and no fun. I get bullion cubes (0 cals.) and warm water and have beef or chicken broth at night to take the edge off or when gum just wont cut it. haha, just a thought. Smile How are you with EDNOS when you're on the diet successfully?? Mine seems to ease up, but I guess thats only becasue I'm controlling it... and thatis, of course what an ED is mostly about... Rolling Eyes
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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  smog on Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:20 am

Yes indeedy! I'm the same when I'm dieting - coz I'm in control I don't pig out. But this 5 bite diet is pretty crazy (doesn't stop doing it though!), it's essentially asking you to restrict your calories in the same way that an anorexic does... But it works eh?!

What are you studying at uni? I come from a dance background, my eating went crazy when I was dancing, I got super skinny

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  Phil on Tue Apr 27, 2010 5:58 am

Rach and Smog u both seem like amazing people! Reading ur posts I felt a hec of a lot of similarities ... Damn weight! Lol keep fighting guys!!!
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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  rachee08 on Tue Apr 27, 2010 5:00 pm

I am an international missions major... I'm going into missions for the deaf. I majored in ASL my first 2 years and am transferring this fall. Smile
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4/27

Post  rachee08 on Tue Apr 27, 2010 5:24 pm

today's started off shakey... :/ I had a little breakfast which always sets me up for failure but at least today I caught it. I had my five bites then a few bites of pasta salad when i wish I woulda been more firm and strict... but I have a 2:30-5:15 class coming up so that'll keep my occupied till dinner tonight! Smile and I'm not gonna beat myself up either, I'm gonna pick it up and go on...

Phil: thanks so much that's too sweet!

Smog: Its funny that you said that, about how were eating the same as an anorexic... we actually are eating a little less thean I did when Iwas diagnosably anorexic. I ate 4 bites 4x/day (so I could keep my metabolism working). But I couldn't stick to it because I faced the whole "stop after my bites and walk away from the rest of whatever good food is there" 4x a day... its hard enough to do it 2x/day! lol thats where I found this exciting, I had practice and it was easier. lol but I waseating 6 bites MORE then than now. hmm... interesting... in fact i could add in a 5 bite breakfast (if it didn't wake up my appetite for the ENTIRE DAY...lol) and still be eating less here.
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Post  hgoldens on Tue Apr 27, 2010 6:09 pm

Rachel-I read through your post thinking I could have written it. I self sabotage myself all the time. After I know I have cheated I keep eating casue my thinking is "well I just ruined my diet might as well have everything" I know I am not alone....thank for sharing!!!

I enjoyed reading your post...good luck for the rest of the day!!

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GREAT!

Post  rachee08 on Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:12 pm

Hgoldens, I am soooo glad I helped in anyway! sounds like we can all pull together and support eachother more than we even know! Very Happy

The rest of today was a weird day too...allllll day. lol I didn't do "bad" but I didn't do too good either. I seemed to have 7-8 bites instead of my 5, so I'll probably be hungry tomorrow since I'm tampering... but oohhh well, I'm not gonna stress it, I still ate less than I normally would've and I'm not gonna blow it like normal!! (HGOLDENS, I'm doin' that for you! return the favor next time u fall off the wagon and DON'T SELF SABATOGE! Cool ) anddd... I'm going to the movies so I'dbe a liarif I said I wasn't gonna eat salty popcorn, thank goodness I prefer it w/o butter! haha but I only get a kids' sized thing and a cherry coke zero, so its not too bad. lol I'll SHAPE UP tomorrow... note to self: breakfastis a recipe for disaster... it wakes up my appetite and puts me in an "eating mood" all day...
oh yeah, and another thing is stinkin pasta salad and beef stew. Both homemade and both delicious butttt, when theres all those little pieces its sooo easy to keep picking, and before I knew it I was a few bites over... No sooo I'm gonna stick to sandwiches and other 1-object meals... lol

1- no breakfast silent
2- no "piecey" meals Razz
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Post  smog on Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:30 am

OMG I am so hearing you HGoldens re. pigging out coz you slipped up! It's the most irrational logic in the world - "oh well, I've buggered my diet now, might as well eat whatever I want... and keep eating and eating til I burst!" but I do it ALL the time. I'm working really hard to stop it, trying to tell myself that if I eat something I hadn't planned to, that's ok, at worst I'll be 100 hundred cals over my daily limit, but if I KEEP eating, then it's a real problem. Coz once you've had one day where you've fallen off the wagon you think "ah well, I broke the diet yesterday, now so I might as well eat what I want for the rest of this week and start again next week." A recipe for major weight gain - I've seriously stacked it on with this thinking!

Rach, SO true about breakfast setting you up to be hungry all day. It's shit, coz conventional wisdom says you should always eat breakfast, especially if you're trying to lose weight, but I'm like you, I find that eating breakfast makes me ravenous all day. But if you skip breakfast, sometimes you don't need to eat til at least 1pm... Hmm.... Yeah how much food you eat and what your body does with it is a strange thing. When I was dancing, I ate terribly - lots of junk, no fruit or veg, occassional carbs and tonnes and tonnes of cigarettes and coffee. So I was prob eating at least triple the amount of calories that I'm eating now, but I was 5 kilos lighter and maintaining, sometimes even losing a bit here and there. Bloody weird tongue

Thanks for your sweet comment Phil Smile

I am such an idiot! I worked so hard on monday (first day of the 5 bite diet) and dropped just over a kilo overnight (mostly water I think), but yesterday I caved and ate more than 5 bites for dinner. I'd done all the hard work during the day, the day was almost over, I'd resisted for most of it, but preparing and cooking food for my kids and sitting down with them to watch them eat it was too much to bear! I prob ate 15-20 bites, not sure, too much anyway. The whole point of this diet is to shrink your stomach to convince you that you need less food to feel sated, and I've defo buggered that up! This morning my kids wanted to make biscuits, so I reluctantly agreed, knowing that I might be unable to resist eating some.... And of course I did Rolling Eyes

So now i feel like a royal failure, I HAVE to stick to this diet, my weight is gettign out of control and I'm starting to really freak about it!

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  rachee08 on Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:37 am

I hear you! I have to stick to it STRICTLY because if nott I fall right off the wagon. face first. into mud. and dirt. and flies. and poop. lol and I can't get back up without more effort than just not eating w/e the junk was in the 1st place. lol So I just have to NOT break it the first time because its DOWNHILL from there! I just keep telling myself its just a cookie, not the last cookie in the world, not the most perfect cookie in the world, they'll have cookies when you reach your goal. lol its amazing how hard self control over something this silly is! But I am DETERMINED to "not be mastered by anything." ;D
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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  hgoldens on Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:04 am

Rachel--YAY for not blowing it!!! that is a MAJOR step...better to stop at 7 or 8 bites then to continue and eat what you have and whats left in the refrigerator....I will return the favor and now I will think of you when I want to have more bites.

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  hgoldens on Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:06 am

Rachel just take five spoon fulls of your food that you want to eat and then eat really really really small bites...that is what is helping me...it took me 20 minutes to eat one small piece of pizza tonight....have that stew and pasta salad but 5 spoonfulls on a plate and then take 30 bites of it.

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  hgoldens on Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:10 am

Smog-I have been on a diet for years litteraly about 18 years...haha..up..down...up...down..up...up..up..up. I do the same thing I will eat something bad and instead of stopping I eat th whole pantry cause I messed up. I was thin before I had my son then I gained 75 pounds with him and then 5 years later i weigh even more...it is so much harder with the kids...but now I am using him as my inspiration and doing for him.

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  smog on Wed Apr 28, 2010 11:34 am

yeah, losing weight when you've got kids is really hard - all that gotta-be-a-positive-role-model stuff. My main worry with my boys has always been that I'll pass on my dodgy eating habits and relationship with food. That they'll end up scarred somehow... I'm sure they will anyway, regardless of how panicked I am about it, you're always traumatised by your upbringing in one way or another, no matter how well intentioned your parents were!

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  smog on Fri Apr 30, 2010 3:31 am

Ugh, I might have to bow out of this diet, my motivation is seriously waning. Rolling Eyes I get wobbly, disoriented and horribly cranky, it makes it really hard to function, nevermind looking after twin toddlers. And the severe restriction always has me 2 seconds away from caving and eating everything in sight. If I could just limp through those first 3 days, they're the worst, after that it gets much easier.... How are you guys going with it??

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Re: Rach's daily journal... ooh boy.

Post  Phil on Fri Apr 30, 2010 4:19 am

Nawww Smog... Hang in there! I know how your feeling tho Sad

Have u tried weening yourself into the diet? Like start at say 20 or 25 bites a day and work your way down over a couple of weeks??

Just a thought...

Good Luck Smile and hang in there Smile
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